“hot summer, a hot hot summer.”

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yoooohooooo (:

so.. my first week working in the hospital (:

working in the hospital is actually really fun (: there are loads of things to do which keeps me busy and not think about my issues (: well, i thought that since uhh, i'm like a noob and all, my supervisor, Dr.Gan, wouldnt really let me go look at surgeries and whatnot. WELL, i was wrong. very wrong. on the first day, Dr Gan sent me to the operating theatre to like.. observe 6 operations. for the whole day. wow. operations can be tiring, even when you're observing them. cause i had to like.. stay standing and observe and answer questions which the staff might sometimes ask, and well, i learnt SO MUCH. so many operations. and the most disgusting one by far, is the knee replacement surgery. EW. YUCK. GROSS. i didnt know that you can stretch our tissue (skin) that much and like.. Dr. Gan, who was the surgeon in charge, was like sawing off the knee joint thingy and drilling holes and EW. disgusting. gross. ewewewewewewew. but it was pretty cool (: words can't describe how cool surgeries are :D you have to be there at that moment, watching the surgeon do the work, to fully appreciate how hard doctors and surgeons and nurses work in order to make you well :D

my favourite operation so far, is the ciserian (is that how you spell it?) operation, where this momma has to give birth and all. this operation was so touching and moving, i almost teared up (: the look on the dad's face when he saw the newborn baby, it was full of joy and amazement. the twinkle in the dad's eyes, it was full of appreciation for the surgeon, and when he showed his wife the baby, who is still uhh, being stitched up, her face was full of joy and well, she was happy and from her face, you can tell that she's thinking "this is what i've been waiting for, and its all worth it", and at that moment, it was a happy family. i was so moved and.. yeah. they thanked the doctor/surgeon and well, i was determined to become someone as useful as that in the medical field, and i really have the urge now to help people and to help make their lives better. this is the main reason why i want to become a doctor.. so i can help people :) the other reason is cause doctors kind of earn lots of money :) but yeah, its mainly the first reason :D

i made new friends :D both are from tenby international school :) christine and elizabeth :) well i kinda knew elizabeth from before, but here, i got to know her better. both of them, along with tina and i, were under Dr. Gan's authority and supervision, and can i just say, that Dr. Gan is amazing. he is one of the coolest people i know. he's easy-going, friendly, easy to talk to, funny to an extent and well.. he's COOOOOOL. :D

happy post eh? :) well, everything was going so well this week, until uhh. dance rehearsals just now o.o

LOLOLOL.

well, i was kinda looking forward to this rehearsal cause i can meet up with my friends and all, and catch up, cause work really drove me to my limits, and made me so tired until i collapse on my bed after showering after work. yeah. but well, a question arose, during dance practice. i was so.. confused. i still am. people were talking, i was thinking. alone. by myself. lolol. anyways, the question was - who are my friends? are they real friends? will they be there to bring me joy, just like how doctors bring patients joy when the doctors heal them? i started going all weird i guess, but i hope i covered it up well.. knowing me, i didn't o.o lolol. i felt really down, but then.. yeah. there was this fight with ming, and we didnt really talk much and all, and yeah. i can feel my friendship with ming breaking down, and disintegrating into pieces. from besties to.. this. o.o what happened? so i am losing two of my closest friends - mit and ming. o.o still losing, not really gone yet, but i have a feeling we won't be as close anymore, and soon i will get trust issues and friendship issues and become socially awkward again. tis a vicious cycle, my friends.

i recently saw a tweet which said something along the lines of - If I tell you about my problems, it doesn't mean I'm complaining, it means that I trust you.


yeah. well, i heard from a friend that this friend of mine who i used to talk to about my problems, complains that i complain alot. sounds comfusing? okay. this friend of mine who i talk to about my problems, who i used to trust, complained that i "complain" alot. well, SORRYYY IF I TRUST YOU. -.- goodness. 


see. trust issues now. what should i do? i'm really confused. D:


i realised that all this time, i've been living in a dream of mine. a nice and sweet daydream. but now, that daydream and fantasy world which i live in and love so dearly much is breaking apart and being destroyed. i'm getting confused between fiction and fact, dreams and reality. oh my goodness.


one important question:
who are my friends? o.o